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1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .' My wife's going to have her baby in the cab !' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong one. Submitted by Dr. Mark Mac Donald, San Francisco 2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. ' Big breaths,'. I instructed. ' Yes, they used to be,'. . replied the patient. Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA 3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a ' massive internal fart.' Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg 4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. ' Which one ?'. . . I asked. 'The patch . . . the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it! 'I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one. Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA 5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked. ' How long have you been bedridden ?' After a look of complete confusion she answered . . .' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.' Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis , OR 6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . ..' So how's your breakfast this morning?' ' It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste.'. . . Bob replied. I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.' Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI 7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered . It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read . . .' Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said ' Sorry . . .had to mow the lawn.' Submitted by RN no name AND FINALLY ! ! ! . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8. As a new, young MD doing my residency in OB , I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams.. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said 'I'm sorry. Was I tickling you ?' She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . .' No doctor, but the song you were whistling was . . .' I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.'

I just bought a side by side.

Wife and I were playing fetch at the cottage with our 1 yr. old Samoyed..............he believes he can fly.

If MC and jimmy are against it you have a 99.9% chance of being right by being for it based on the criteria that they are against it

Ok funny is funny...

does anyone in western canada have a 3 digit IQ

Elk polish sausage, corn on the cob, potato salad, castle danger cream ale.

Steak tips.

just CNN(creative news network) spoon feeding you some more fodder to cry about

These boats were in for a get sold cleanup. The bigger boat sold for $80K before we had it done and the smaller one sold a couple days after we were done for more than what he bought for a few years ago

kenseth , bell , hamlin

Fact check: partly falce

Forgot to mention...we have been cooking our 🌽 in the air fryer. 10 minutes on 400 does the trick.

I'm not a grammar nazi, but seriously man. Still does? Still does? Come on man! Learn to say false information in a more convincing way if you want anyone to take it seriously. My only political hero is Chris Dorner

leftover lasagna and garlic bread

Hey why not, Trump never owned slaves.

Really what happened was probably a steam explosion. Just heating air would only get you 100 psi or so but super heat a cup or two left over beer and you could make 800 psi or more.

fuck yeah. https://www.americangearguide.com/gear-guide/

me too, i already paid all my SS so i just want checks not some stupid payroll tax cut. I deserve it damn it

what a stupid argument anyways. Using that logic so is Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, etc.

Smales: Get the feds out of Portland! They have no reason to be there? Also Smales: Where the fuck is Trump on these state coronvirus issues??????//////1111

Yep, did not watch. But I'll contribute to the thread

The fact remains democrats can sue him but they will look terrible. That’s why the title is spot on.

Was pretty big news in the west... buddy was my neighbour. We all applauded his motives but were questionable of his tactics

Zero, saw who made the video.

Shit, quoted wrong guy.

I’m pretty convinced we’re fucked forever because Dems and Pubs are complete fucking garbage

im happy thing's are not going well for you. you are a retarded piece of shit and deserve it

and dont have breasts

donate all of it to me ben, for being a friend

And now explain to the class how you got the taste out of your mouth.

That's called a blowjob.

Those people in the videos are one click above a baboon. Jesus what animals.

You’re not supposed to do that

And you didn't start it. Good job! You're moving in the right direction.

explains some of your issues

if twitter-spoon-fed JT says it was I will bet my entire net worth it wasn't.

It takes a special kind of brain dead moron to support BLM

Because your gen refused to pay for their expenses as they came due. Started in the 80's and just gets kicked down the road admin after admin because whose going to win talking real about how we someday will need to pay the piper.

I love how there were so many bloody cunts about how much Obama golfed, how much his vacations cost us, how much the debt rose... Not a peep about any of that stuff with Trump. He has already outspent Obama's 8 years in 4 years. He golfs more and we are paying Trump to conduct state business on his properties. Not a peep.