gravy davey Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 llinois is like Venezuela now, a fiscally broken state that has lost its will to live, although for the moment, we still have enough toilet paper. But before we run out of the essentials, let's finally admit that after decade upon decade of taxing and spending and borrowing, Illinois has finally run out of other people's money. Those "other people" include taxpayers who've abandoned the state. And now Illinois faces doomsday. So as the politicians meet in Springfield this week for another round of posturing and gesturing and blaming, we need a plan. And here it is: Dissolve Illinois. Decommission the state, tear up the charter, whatever the legal mumbo-jumbo, just end the whole dang thing. We just disappear. With no pain. That's right. You heard me. The best thing to do is to break Illinois into pieces right now. Just wipe us off the map. Cut us out of America's heartland and let neighboring states carve us up and take the best chunks for themselves. The group that will scream the loudest is the state's political class, who did this to us, and the big bond creditors, who are whispering talk of bankruptcy and asset forfeiture to save their own skins. But our beloved Illinois has proved that it just doesn't deserve to survive. So why not let our friendly neighbors like Indiana, Wisconsin, Iowa, Missouri and Kentucky just take the parts they want? As you can see by the excellent "Kevorkian Illinois" map that accompanies this column, this plan is visionary. The alternative is hell. Illinois hasn't had a state budget for years. The state continues to spend money it doesn't have, and the state's credit ratings have dropped, increasing the cost of borrowing more money we don't have to keep the rotten shebang going. Bills pile up; Moody's Investor Service says taxpayers are on the hook for $251 billion in unfunded public union pension liabilities. Boss Mike Madigan, king of the Democrats who control things, wants tax increases but no real structural reform to bring stability to The Venezuela of the Midwest. And the whispers of bankruptcy won't help the average (remaining) taxpaying chumbolones like you and me who don't want to leave our homes but who'll get stuck with the bills. Since our neighboring states are doing better, taking Illinois jobs and businesses and Illinois workers and taxpaying families, they might as well just take the rest of Illinois, too, dammit. Wisconsin can have Chicago and begin calling it "South Milwaukee." Naturally, Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel will fight this. He needs a job. And he'll most likely beg his friends at The New York Times and the Washington Post to write angry editorials to save him. And these will be full of concern for the republic and those dispossessed Midwestern salt-of-the-earth taxpaying Americans, as if. Sadly, Wisconsin probably won't want Rahm, either. So to spare hurt feelings, I propose carving out 40 acres around the mayor's home so Rahm might be prince of his own country: Rahmonia. And Cook County Board President Toni "Taxwinkle" Preckwinkle will fight it, too, so she needs something to soothe her ambitions: A grant of land as large as a case of the soda pop she taxes, so that she might stand on it and proclaim herself Queen of Taxwinkletopia. If there are portions of Illinois that the other states don't want, they may be left as federal territory, a wilderness where only the strong survive and peasants and friendly propagandists kneel and beg for crumbs. You already know the name of this wasteland: Madiganistan. And in return for taking care of our politicians, Wisconsin will probably demand assets. Like the Milwaukee Cubs. The Beloit Blackhawks. The Sheboygan Bulls and the Fond du Lac Bears. Indiana may want a large curvy slice of the former Illinois, so the state will be shaped more like a basketball. This will please Hoosiers to no end. And Indiana also gets the Indianapolis White Sox and the hottest soccer team in America, the Indianapolis Fire. Why not? Indiana is a great state, with friendly people and Mitch Daniels and Kilroy's in Bloomington. Iowa can have part of the west. Missouri may also get a small piece. Kentucky can take southern Illinois, considering many on both sides of the border share Kentucky DNA, as did Abraham Lincoln. A colleague told me he had reservations about sharing Illinois with the Bluegrass State. "I wouldn't give Kentucky anything because A) it's the South and the former Illinois needs to stay in the Midwest, and B) their state government is a mess, too, with a governor who refuses to talk to certain reporters." But beggars can't be choosers. If Illinois is dissolved as planned, we won't have a say in anything. And though some in Kentucky might not respect "the media," the state does have excellent bourbon. I would allow Kentucky to send me countless barrels of its fine sipping spirit so that I might hold it in escrow, to make sure everything goes as planned. I promise to sip their bourbon and light a cigar, and hum a few sad bars from that song of the former Illinois that no one sings anymore: By thy rivers gently flowing, Illinois, Illinois O'er thy prairies verdant growing, Illinois, Illinois Comes an echo on the breeze, rustling through the leafy trees, Boss Madigan has us on our knees, Illinois, Illinois Boss Madigan has us on our knees, Illinois. Listen to the Chicago Way podcast — with John Kass and Jeff Carlin — and our guest, Cook County Sheriff Tom Dart, here: wgnradio.com/category/wgn-plus/thechicagoway. jskass@chicagotribune.com http://libertynews.com/2017/06/chicago-tribune-floats-idea-of-breaking-up-illinois-to-create-the-new-midwest/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rod Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 He's busy grinding his vagina everywhere about how awful Trump is while at the same time talking about how he got richer than you under trump Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anler Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 Don't give any to Kentucky they're broke too. But yeah, the rest of the state hates Chicago. They have been talking about excommunicating Chicago from the rest of the state for some time now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Platinum Contributing Member Highmark Posted June 22, 2017 Platinum Contributing Member Share Posted June 22, 2017 He'll be along with Anler to tell us how BOOMING Chicago is because of the all the construction high rises going on. Wasn't long ago when they were bragging up how good it was doing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Platinum Contributing Member Highmark Posted June 22, 2017 Platinum Contributing Member Share Posted June 22, 2017 Why does Wisconsin get stuck with Chicago? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woodtick Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 The state isn't broke. They just keep stealing the money. The republican gov has to go up against years of Dem bullshit corruption. Do you know how much tax revenue Ohare and Midway airport bring in a year? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
racinfarmer Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 6 minutes ago, Highmark said: Why does Wisconsin get stuck with Chicago? I think part of Chicago becomes Rahmonia and Taxwinkletopia. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snoughnut Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 17 minutes ago, Highmark said: Why does Wisconsin get stuck with Chicago? It's bad enough that we have Madison. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
racer254 Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 5 minutes ago, snoughnut said: It's bad enough that we have Madison. Yep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Platinum Contributing Member Highmark Posted June 22, 2017 Platinum Contributing Member Share Posted June 22, 2017 Want to see the "states" thrive. Make all big cities run by dems "disctricts" like Washington DC. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mainecat Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 Less taxes more profits to hide offshore. Those profits buy more companies and stock buybacks and do it again and again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momorider Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 WGAF Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
01mxz800 Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 6 hours ago, Momorider said: WGAF x2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snake Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 He'll be back... bragging on his balling.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snake Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 Found him! Illinois Man Indicted and Held Without Bail For Threatening Life of President, Citing Media's Unproven Russian Collusion Conspiracy Theory. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 2 minutes ago, Snake said: Found him! Illinois Man Indicted and Held Without Bail For Threatening Life of President, Citing Media's Unproven Russian Collusion Conspiracy Theory. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momorider Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anler Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 12 hours ago, Highmark said: He'll be along with Anler to tell us how BOOMING Chicago is because of the all the construction high rises going on. Wasn't long ago when they were bragging up how good it was doing. Chicago is doing great. There is a lot of growth, not just real estate but many big corps are moving to Chicago. There is a fuck ton of money here. The govt is fucked up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mileage Psycho Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 (edited) I've been at a conference at the Grand Geneva, played The Brute yesterday from the championship tees, tough course. http://www.grandgeneva.com/ http://www.grandgeneva.com/pdf-lake-geneva-vacation/documents/40282BruteScorecardWeb.pdf Edited June 23, 2017 by Mileage Psycho Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Platinum Contributing Member Highmark Posted June 23, 2017 Platinum Contributing Member Share Posted June 23, 2017 10 hours ago, Anler said: Chicago is doing great. There is a lot of growth, not just real estate but many big corps are moving to Chicago. There is a fuck ton of money here. The govt is fucked up. I can agree with some of that but to say its doing great as a whole is a bit of a stretch. Since there is so much money the govt should probably take more so it can fix the problems it has. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anler Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 34 minutes ago, Highmark said: I can agree with some of that but to say its doing great as a whole is a bit of a stretch. Since there is so much money the govt should probably take more so it can fix the problems it has. Well they are thieves so probably not going to happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Platinum Contributing Member Skidooski Posted June 23, 2017 Platinum Contributing Member Share Posted June 23, 2017 Are they still not paying out to their Lottery winners? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ez ryder Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 I understand some of the state contractors have gotten stop work orders . they have already been on a bull shit payment program because the state can not pay the bills Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sal Rosenberg Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 On 6/23/2017 at 11:04 AM, Skidooski said: Are they still not paying out to their Lottery winners? WTF , that would suck . Hit the big one , tells the boss to go hump a cactus ........ then get stiffed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Platinum Contributing Member Jimmy Snacks Posted June 24, 2017 Platinum Contributing Member Share Posted June 24, 2017 Apparently they are going to pay contractors with Skyline Views and promises of awesome action! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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