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Stuck at home for weeks on end with whiny brats you have to school yourself? Can't slink away down to the local watering hole to get away from responsibilities and the honey-do list? Yeah, me neither... Time to whip some shit up. I'm going easy on this one, because hey, I have to check cows every couple hours and re-tile the bathroom, so time is limited, and there is Netflix to watch, I wouldn't mind poking the wife too, but you know, bananas are as scarce as toilet paper round here... Cookies. Yet one thing that drives me crazy about seemingly every cookie recipe in the world is that shape is neglected. Hell, 90% of recipes you see out there will give you a flatter ass than the girls @f7ben likes in the Instagram thread. Sorry Benny-too-many, flat ain't going on here. So, how do you combat flat cookies? I mean, it's not harder than Chinese algebra is it? No. Firstly your scrumptious sugar cakes go flat because fats melt at low temperature. You may be asking how low can you go? LOW! Let's take a look at the ingredients and see what we can do. I started with a base recipe from Nick Malgiere: 1 stick butter (softened) 1/4 c. light or dark brown sugar 1/4 c. granulated sugar 1 egg 1 1/4 c. ap flour 1/8 tsp baking soda 1 cup chocolate chips Hemm... I'm a bit skeptical, a couple things, this recipe is gonna make like 3 cookies. I'm a fatass and want more than that. Secondly he doesn't seem to take into consideration the apple bottom thickness we are going for here. Let's recompute the recipe a bit: 8 tablespoons butter (ice cold baby, straight from the fridge) 8 tablespoons Crisco (baking stick) - this has a higher melting point than butter! You sacrifice some of the butter flavor for shape, mix 50/50 on the fats. 3/4 c. brown sugar. 1 1/2 c. powdered sugar (unpacked) I'm hoping the starch in powdered sugar will give us a bit more hump. 2 large eggs 2 1/2 c. ap flour 1 teaspoon baking soda 1 c. full sized chocolate chips 1/2 c. mini chocolate chips 1 teaspoon vanilla extract. 1/2 teaspoon almond extract. 10 oz. pitted maraschino cherries. (this should cover your daily fruit dietary needs) Start off by mixing the butter, Crisco, and sugars in the mixer, a light mix is good. Then add the eggs until you get a smooth grit mix. Add the extracts to the mixer. Don't be a cheapass like me and buy the fake off brand shit. Mix flour and baking soda together in a bowl, then add that fluff to the mixer. Add the chocolate chips to the mixer. Drain the cherries, drink the juice cuz that stuff is like adult koolaid! Add the cherries to the mixer, beat until the cherries are smashed to your liking. Some guys like em full and puffy, some like em strung out, beat up, and weathered looking. Your choice. Now, it is very much recommended to refer the dough, a couple hours is good. We want fatty-mcfatface to get as cold as we can. Avoid baking stones, go for the nice thick aluminum sheet pan style pan. Do not butter/oil/grease/flour the pan. Remember you dipshit, we are trying to avoid melting fats. Use a silicone sheet or parchment paper. Ball out the dough onto the sheet, we are looking for golf ball, or slightly bigger sized piles here. They don't have to be perfectly round silicone boob jobs, these cookies will still melt down some. Put the oven rack(s) in the middle, crank it up to 375 and throw in the little balls of delight for 13-14 minutes. Often when making cookies I bake them a bit underdone and let them finish and cool on the cookie sheet. Not this time. Cook until you get the browning exactly where you want it. Grab them bastards by the parchment and slide them on the cooling racks right away. Once firmed you can migrate from the parchment to the racks directly. This will give us time for the sheet to cool down to room temperature. The parchment can also be reused when cooled. You should end up with a decently thick cookie. Eat by the handfuls until shitting like you had Taco Bell for a week. As a side benefit you get some sweet jitters from the sugar rush. Neal

I'd rather get Coronavirus than wear one of those.

Damn Greenie you beat me to it! I was just going to fire this up! I love how Luke tells everyone to fuck off with their paid bias claims. the bottom line is the other sleds are not as good, something us who have been riding the axys have been saying for years. Even the new arctic cat which they claim is "THE BEST HANDLING ARCTIC CAT EVER MADE" still isnt as good as the Polaris axys. And its not an 850. And go ahead and expect the new Matryx to be the best snowmobile next year because all of those fuckers said the Matryx is even better than the Axys. And take special note that Luke says your butt hurt isnt going to change the facts, your sled and your brand just isnt as good.

I know, I know the Lesters suck and are biased....blah blah blah. still interesting.

What are you doing besides eating your boogers and ear wax?

A lady here in town withdrew $14K from the bank. She thought she'd sterilize the money and put it in the microwave. Zaaaap she ended up with a plastic blob which isn't funny but going back to the bank and saying they have to replace it was funny

Yup. Arctic cat and Polaris have ski doo in an awkward spot. Ski doo is now a huge price for what’s really a 3rd rate sled

If by “in session” you mean in front of a firing squad.....then yes

I was shocked at the baking isle at the store. Everyone around here is baking for friends and neighbors. I got the last two bread flours and yeast. Made a home made pie crust with my 10 year old the other night. It’s like little house on the prairie in my hood.

It’s obvious we don’t have enough test kits to go around. You have to be half dead here to get tested. Anyone who says otherwise is just silly.

Epstein

Double chocolate chip from Saturday

Oh no, you have to be a special kind of liar to have those kinds of perks.

Not only do you need to wash your hands,but also your nasty high mileage bootie hole Phaggit.

We are out of n95 but have a good amount of p95 and p100 masks and the cartridges. Latex gloves out the yang too.. So if your in need, holler

We are being told the same as anler is saying. We are only using our N95 masks on certain jobs. You can’t just go out and buy a mask anymore. Anler has them all.

they will work better on people who are infected from infecting others with their droplets. But unless you are close enough to smell someones breath you are pretty safe without one. Keep your hands clean and dont touch your face, its the droplets that are going to get you not the aerosols as much.

Hunting babe alert.

If his company is considered essential and he has work, his workers have to work, the only way they can collect is if laid off.

Because Dr. Fauci and the CDC didn't think it was a concern. Fuck you guys are gullible. This doctor was NOT being truthful. He doesn't even want people to leave their homes. Here is actual data from the WHO. So....this good doctor is claiming that when 44 cases of a novel coronavirus with an unknown etiology were reported to the WHO on Dec 31st thru January 3rd the US should have designed and mass produced a test for it? Fuck do you guys have an ounce of common sense? • On 31 December 2019, the WHO China Country Office was informed of cases of pneumonia unknown etiology (unknown cause) detected in Wuhan City, Hubei Province of China. From 31 December 2019 through 3 January 2020, a total of 44 case-patients with pneumonia of unknown etiology were reported to WHO by the national authorities in China. During this reported period, the causal agent was not identified. https://www.who.int/docs/default-source/coronaviruse/situation-reports/20200121-sitrep-1-2019-ncov.pdf More. On 11 and 12 January 2020, WHO received further detailed information from the National Health Commission China that the outbreak is associated with exposures in one seafood market in Wuhan City. • The Chinese authorities identified a new type of coronavirus, which was isolated on 7 January 2020. • On 12 January 2020, China shared the genetic sequence of the novel coronavirus for countries to use in developing specific diagnostic kits. • On 13 January 2020, the Ministry of Public Health, Thailand reported the first imported case of lab-confirmed novel coronavirus (2019-nCoV) from Wuhan, Hubei Province, China. • On 15 January 2020, the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare, Japan (MHLW) reported an imported case of laboratory-confirmed 2019-novel coronavirus (2019-nCoV) from Wuhan, Hubei Province, China. • On 20 January 2020, National IHR Focal Point (NFP) for Republic of Korea reported the first case of novel coronavirus in the Republic of Korea. Situation update: • As of 20 January 2020, 282 confirmed cases of 2019-nCoV have been reported from four countries including China (278 cases), Thailand (2 cases), Japan (1 case) and the Republic of Korea (1 case); • Cases in Thailand, Japan and Republic of Korea were exported from Wuhan City, China; • Among the 278 cases confirmed in China, 258 cases were reported from Hubei Province, 14 from Guangdong Province, five from Beijing Municipality and one from Shanghai Municipality; ZIKA VIRUS Novel Coronavirus (2019-nCoV) SITUATION REPORT - 1 21 JANUARY 2020 2 • Of the 278 confirmed cases, 51 cases are severely ill1 , 12 are in critical condition2 ; • Six deaths have been reported from Wuhan City.

We got some snow out in the Edmonton area the last couple of days as well. Nothing like you guys but a little. So I decided to take my sled for a rip around the fields close to home before dinner two days ago as they have been sitting for 3 weeks full of fuel. There is still a ton of snow on the edge of the fields and in the trees but getting pretty thin everywhere else.

Me.

How about a bill that sets guidelines on what actually can be included in a bill. A bill regarding funding for say solar energy shouldn't have stuff in it for researching oranges. We could save hundreds of billions of dollars a year if we had laws on what can and can't be mixed in one single piece of legislation. Make each thing get voted on its OWN MERITS.

Suddenly the whole world is depending on people they think shouldn't make $15 an hour.

Won't know real numbers until antibody testing is done across broad spectrum of the public. The numerator in the equation is still moving around.

Buttcocks!

I just made this, kinda proud of it.