NaturallyAspirated Posted April 2, 2020 Share Posted April 2, 2020 Stuck at home for weeks on end with whiny brats you have to school yourself? Can't slink away down to the local watering hole to get away from responsibilities and the honey-do list? Yeah, me neither... Time to whip some shit up. I'm going easy on this one, because hey, I have to check cows every couple hours and re-tile the bathroom, so time is limited, and there is Netflix to watch, I wouldn't mind poking the wife too, but you know, bananas are as scarce as toilet paper round here... Cookies. Yet one thing that drives me crazy about seemingly every cookie recipe in the world is that shape is neglected. Hell, 90% of recipes you see out there will give you a flatter ass than the girls @f7ben likes in the Instagram thread. Sorry Benny-too-many, flat ain't going on here. So, how do you combat flat cookies? I mean, it's not harder than Chinese algebra is it? No. Firstly your scrumptious sugar cakes go flat because fats melt at low temperature. You may be asking how low can you go? LOW! Let's take a look at the ingredients and see what we can do. I started with a base recipe from Nick Malgiere: 1 stick butter (softened) 1/4 c. light or dark brown sugar 1/4 c. granulated sugar 1 egg 1 1/4 c. ap flour 1/8 tsp baking soda 1 cup chocolate chips Hemm... I'm a bit skeptical, a couple things, this recipe is gonna make like 3 cookies. I'm a fatass and want more than that. Secondly he doesn't seem to take into consideration the apple bottom thickness we are going for here. Let's recompute the recipe a bit: 8 tablespoons butter (ice cold baby, straight from the fridge) 8 tablespoons Crisco (baking stick) - this has a higher melting point than butter! You sacrifice some of the butter flavor for shape, mix 50/50 on the fats. 3/4 c. brown sugar. 1 1/2 c. powdered sugar (unpacked) I'm hoping the starch in powdered sugar will give us a bit more hump. 2 large eggs 2 1/2 c. ap flour 1 teaspoon baking soda 1 c. full sized chocolate chips 1/2 c. mini chocolate chips 1 teaspoon vanilla extract. 1/2 teaspoon almond extract. 10 oz. pitted maraschino cherries. (this should cover your daily fruit dietary needs) Start off by mixing the butter, Crisco, and sugars in the mixer, a light mix is good. Then add the eggs until you get a smooth grit mix. Add the extracts to the mixer. Don't be a cheapass like me and buy the fake off brand shit. Mix flour and baking soda together in a bowl, then add that fluff to the mixer. Add the chocolate chips to the mixer. Drain the cherries, drink the juice cuz that stuff is like adult koolaid! Add the cherries to the mixer, beat until the cherries are smashed to your liking. Some guys like em full and puffy, some like em strung out, beat up, and weathered looking. Your choice. Now, it is very much recommended to refer the dough, a couple hours is good. We want fatty-mcfatface to get as cold as we can. Avoid baking stones, go for the nice thick aluminum sheet pan style pan. Do not butter/oil/grease/flour the pan. Remember you dipshit, we are trying to avoid melting fats. Use a silicone sheet or parchment paper. Ball out the dough onto the sheet, we are looking for golf ball, or slightly bigger sized piles here. They don't have to be perfectly round silicone boob jobs, these cookies will still melt down some. Put the oven rack(s) in the middle, crank it up to 375 and throw in the little balls of delight for 13-14 minutes. Often when making cookies I bake them a bit underdone and let them finish and cool on the cookie sheet. Not this time. Cook until you get the browning exactly where you want it. Grab them bastards by the parchment and slide them on the cooling racks right away. Once firmed you can migrate from the parchment to the racks directly. This will give us time for the sheet to cool down to room temperature. The parchment can also be reused when cooled. You should end up with a decently thick cookie. Eat by the handfuls until shitting like you had Taco Bell for a week. As a side benefit you get some sweet jitters from the sugar rush. Neal 2 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
f7ben Posted April 2, 2020 Share Posted April 2, 2020 Very pleased to have gotten tagged in another well written OP!!!!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NaturallyAspirated Posted April 2, 2020 Author Share Posted April 2, 2020 2 minutes ago, f7ben said: Very pleased to have gotten tagged in another well written OP!!!!! You are welcome! I have a few more in the pipeline for when I get bored! Neal Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woodtick Posted April 2, 2020 Share Posted April 2, 2020 I was shocked at the baking isle at the store. Everyone around here is baking for friends and neighbors. I got the last two bread flours and yeast. Made a home made pie crust with my 10 year old the other night. It’s like little house on the prairie in my hood. 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NaturallyAspirated Posted April 2, 2020 Author Share Posted April 2, 2020 5 minutes ago, Woodtick said: I was shocked at the baking isle at the store. Everyone around here is baking for friends and neighbors. I got the last two bread flours and yeast. Made a home made pie crust with my 10 year old the other night. It’s like little house on the prairie in my hood. Around here it was toilet paper, then bread, then flour for empty shelf items. I got about 15 pounds of flour left yet. I can bake for a while. Milk and butter are my supply weak points... Neal Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anler Posted April 2, 2020 Share Posted April 2, 2020 Wife made some brownies yesterday. They were pretty good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smokin george Posted April 2, 2020 Share Posted April 2, 2020 The wife makes Amish loaf quite often and the other day made a big batch of hermit cookies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArcticCrusher Posted April 2, 2020 Share Posted April 2, 2020 Waiting for this to come in. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woodtick Posted April 2, 2020 Share Posted April 2, 2020 Just now, NaturallyAspirated said: Around here it was toilet paper, then bread, then flour for empty shelf items. I got about 15 pounds of flour left yet. I can bake for a while. Milk and butter are my supply weak points... Neal We are close to Wi,so dairy hasn’t been a problem. It’s good to see people are starting to buy sensible things. Anything to do with baking is getting hard to find. Scored some things at Menards,food coloring,brown sugar, ECT. We are good for a few weeks. My co worker has a small farm 15 miles away. He has a lot of food in his pasture and barn. He loves cash. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woodtick Posted April 2, 2020 Share Posted April 2, 2020 11 minutes ago, Anler said: Wife made some brownies yesterday. They were pretty good. You should have put a little pot in them? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NaturallyAspirated Posted April 2, 2020 Author Share Posted April 2, 2020 12 minutes ago, smokin george said: The wife makes Amish loaf quite often and the other day made a big batch of hermit cookies. Sweet bread? I'd like to make some friendship bread. Sounds good. Neal Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anler Posted April 2, 2020 Share Posted April 2, 2020 6 minutes ago, Woodtick said: You should have put a little pot in them? I dont like pot in my food and I dont like beer in my food. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smokin george Posted April 2, 2020 Share Posted April 2, 2020 22 minutes ago, NaturallyAspirated said: Sweet bread? I'd like to make some friendship bread. Sounds good. Neal It's basically a cinnamon loaf. Easy to make and damn good with coffee in the morning 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mainecat Posted April 2, 2020 Share Posted April 2, 2020 My wife makes the best ginger snaps on the planet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woodtick Posted April 2, 2020 Share Posted April 2, 2020 1 hour ago, Anler said: I dont like pot in my food and I dont like beer in my food. It’s no wonder you don’t get invited to parties. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momorider Posted April 2, 2020 Share Posted April 2, 2020 2 minutes ago, Woodtick said: It’s no wonder you don’t get invited to parties. Nazi POS eats sauerkraut all day fucking square headed goose stepping fuck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anler Posted April 2, 2020 Share Posted April 2, 2020 38 minutes ago, Woodtick said: It’s no wonder you don’t get invited to parties. I like my food to be food and my pot and beer to be pot and beer 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Platinum Contributing Member steve from amherst Posted April 2, 2020 Platinum Contributing Member Share Posted April 2, 2020 8 hours ago, NaturallyAspirated said: Around here it was toilet paper, then bread, then flour for empty shelf items. I got about 15 pounds of flour left yet. I can bake for a while. Milk and butter are my supply weak points... Neal Last week it was toilet paper , paper towels and pantry items ( rice, pasta , shit with a shelf life) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spin_dry Posted April 2, 2020 Share Posted April 2, 2020 Double chocolate chip from Saturday 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArcticCrusher Posted April 2, 2020 Share Posted April 2, 2020 12 minutes ago, spin_dry said: Double chocolate chip from Saturday Betty Crocker step aside. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spin_dry Posted April 2, 2020 Share Posted April 2, 2020 44 minutes ago, ArcticCrusher said: Betty Crocker step aside. I’m the da Vinci of the double chocolate chip. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Platinum Contributing Member Jimmy Snacks Posted April 2, 2020 Platinum Contributing Member Share Posted April 2, 2020 My wife makes a mean cookie using brown butter and these....delicious!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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