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All the Jackasses on 800's with their fancy gear doing 55MPH for miles on end. Then they flip me off when I pass them on my 500 two up. Them slow pokes love their 800's.
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I carry a stack of Yamaha brochures in the tunnel bag of the Viper. Can you spare a few minutes to hear about my Yamaha?
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It's called de thatching your yard you idiots. I do it every year.
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For those of you who have somehow fallen into one of my long-winded, coffee induced morning rants before, you know what to expect here. I'm gonna start re-posting some stuff I've blistered out over the years on HCS. Still fun and applicable. Let's start talking sled shit.....we can hate each other for better reasons than just politics.
Here we go!
We are a strange breed. In watching, reading and listening to the bizarre things we say throughout the season, I thought I’d retort a bit and give my own little analysis on each snowmobiling group. Feel free to correct me, bash me, explain your side, add a few “nuggets” or even delve into the subcultures of each. It’s all in good fun and humor and since we are close to having 8-9 months before the next ride again so, time is unfortunately on our side. Now, obviously, there are subcultures in each group that have their own funny little “issues”, but I’ll write out the first four major groups (as I see them).
Let’s start with my group, the “Trail Riders”. By far the largest percentage of riders out there and thus, the whiniest. Oh my god! We are like a bizarre version of Goldilocks and Three Bears mixed in with the Seven Dwarfs; three called “Grumpy”, two called “Bitchy” and two called “Whiny”. ……….. “They ride too fast!”, “They ride too slow!”, “Why won’t they let us pass!”, “Use your mirrors!”, “This trail is too bumpy!”, “They need to groom more!”, “Stay on your side of the trail!”, “Stop whooping up the trails!”, “Stop sweeping the corners!”, “There’s too many people on the trails!”, “Use hand signals!, “Don’t use hand signals!”, “Look behind you”, “Watch where you are going!”, “The trails are too icy”, “The trails are too slushy”…..etc…
Holy sheep shit! Talk about a whiny bunch of bitches! Somewhere there is a trail for us that is absolutely perfect….it must be in Heaven. It is amazing how much we all bitch, whine, and cry all season about “everybody else” on the trails while somehow insinuating that I /my group are “the perfect rider(s)”. As miserable as we all get, we all still can’t wait for the season to start to be miserable all-over again. Comedic tragedy at its finest.
Next, the “Flat-Lander Deep Powder Riders”. Now granted these sleds look the coolest but for a lot of us, we’re not 100% sure of the appeal. There really aren’t any mountains to speak of in “flat-land country” and most of the snow gathered deep enough to justify those long tracks is on private land. And it seems that for a lot of these riders, just as soon as they venture just off the beaten path into two and half feet of snow, they get stuck almost immediately. That somehow triggers the alarm to unsheathe the cameras and take pictures of it. As if to say; “My deep powder riding talent ran out as soon as I hit deep powder.” Then post them all over the web for validation. “High marking” and “side-hilling” those 30 foot road embankments that would make even the most novice of the mountain riders wonder…”why?”. But again, the coolest looking’ sleds (IMO).
Ok, now we’ll go to the “Lake Racers or Open Field Racers”. This is a group whose life begins at 100 mph. They usually buy the fastest 4-strokers out there, and then spend oodles upgrading them. All for a few seconds of high end speed. Also the ones constantly complaining (whining) after a day of red-lining their sleds about blowing belts, burning pistons, and otherwise failing parts. Speed comes at a price…and it is reliability as much as dollars. Didn’t the dealer explain that at your time of purchase? Also, a culture in this group that brag weirdly about beating that 600 class sled across the lake…really? Shouldn’t you guys be hanging out, high-fiving, bumping “helmets” and racing each other? If you’re the only "T15000" sled in your area…well, “when in Rome…….”
“Deep Powder Mountain Riders”; As I’ve done this only a couple of times with tour groups out in Colorado, I can only comment a bit. This is a group who somehow seem to see themselves and their brand of riding as the “purest” or “elitist”. A group that at 6500 feet above sea level is where the sleds get fired up. Their sleds look like backwards chainsaws and for some reason sound just like them. Not sure why every mountain sledder absolutely must have a loud can that can be heard four mountain ranges away. If they can find a way to fit a 300 inch track with five inch lugs on a sled they would. “High marking” at 30 mph through the pines only to end up in one, or a deep crevice. This again draws out the cameras. They also share the need as the flat-lander deep powder guys do to take pictures of bent A-arms and broken suspension parts….although not as frequently. Is it difficult to break sleds by running into hard, inanimate objects? And love to make fun of us flat-landers who go out to the 7000 foot mark and need a ten minute rest after starting our sled. Next time…warn us to bring fuckin’ oxygen masks! I can help you more getting my rental unstuck if…..I CAN BREATHE!