SSFB Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 Hard hitting journalism here! Quote NEW YORK, NY—The New York Times has finally addressed the sexual assault allegations against presidential candidate Joe Biden. After an in-depth investigation, they’ve found that Biden is a Democrat. Furthermore, they found that he is the assumed candidate running against President Trump. With these two facts in mind, they’ve concluded there is no possible way the charges can be true. “While the charges of sexual assault by Biden’s former aide, Tara Reade, are something we would call extremely credible in any other situation,” reads the article, “our investigation revealed that legitimizing them would be politically unhelpful to Democrats. Thus we conclude the allegations are false for reasons we will fill in later -- unless we can just go back to not talking about them and not give any reasons at all. We also find it absolutely necessary to consider Biden’s habit of inappropriately touching women to be ‘charming.’” This is quite different from The New York Times’s investigation into the charges against then-Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh, in which the Times found that Kavanaugh was being appointed by a Republican and thus any and all charges against him “must absolutely be true.” https://babylonbee.com/news/nyts-in-depth-investigation-of-the-allegations-against-biden-reveal-that-hes-a-democrat?utm_content=buffer91aac&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer&fbclid=IwAR17X6ddkNyr3TCtUNApTEXiabf6nxCMIpx7JyFRqA7fE_k86pmsYOodlY4 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Platinum Contributing Member Highmark Posted April 13, 2020 Platinum Contributing Member Share Posted April 13, 2020 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rod Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 Lolz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rod Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 Legit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anler Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 I knew it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dz246 Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 Just now, ACE said: Legit Some hard hitting journalism there.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anler Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 9 minutes ago, dz246 said: Some hard hitting journalism there.... twitter always has the best news! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angry ginger Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 35 minutes ago, Anler said: twitter always has the best news! it's the only reliable source for news these days. If it doesn't come from the Presidents mouth/thumbs it is all lies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SSFB Posted April 13, 2020 Author Share Posted April 13, 2020 Quote Medical Experts Confirm Democrats Have Developed Herd Immunity To Sexual Assault Allegations U.S.—Medical experts were excited to announce today that Democrats have achieved herd immunity against sexual assault allegations. After getting accused of sexual assault thousands and thousands of times for so many years, the Democrats developed some kind of antibodies against the allegations. Researchers are taking blood samples to isolate the antibodies to see if a vaccine can be developed for other groups. "It's amazing -- the entire Democrat demographic is entirely immune," said one researcher as he took blood samples from Joe Biden. "After conspiring with the media to squash any accusations that pop up, it seems, over time, Democrats have been able to develop a kind of herd immunity to any allegations." Biden has been an important case study for medical experts' work, as he can publicly sniff people's hair and inappropriately touch many people on camera and still be entirely protected from any accusation whatsoever. His DNA is being studied for a possible breakthrough for other politicians. With time, other political parties may be able to use the vaccine, but for now, it seems only Democrats are immune. Other political parties and at-risk conservatives are being advised to quarantine so as to avoid any allegations until a vaccine is discovered. https://babylonbee.com/news/medical-experts-confirm-democrats-have-developed-herd-immunity-to-sexual-assault-allegations?utm_content=buffer45ceb&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer&fbclid=IwAR3lVwDPYTIK-jHzHA1MnbeO2DLsdobGA8WKu8wtZB0ucyVdBP83ERlXT1M 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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