Joke of the Day

[nascarmike]

A baby seal walks into a club...

[XCR1250]

Tired of constant blonde jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown. She then goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road. "Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?" The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. She blurts out "352!" He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick a sheep. "I'll take this one," she says proudly. "It's the cutest!" "Hey lady," says the shepherd, "If I guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?"

[Jerry 976]

[Guest]

5 hours ago, Jerry 976 said:

Mind your banter young laddie 

[Guest]

[Jerry 976]

An Irishman walks into a bar and asks for two beers. He then pulls a small green-skinned man out of his pocket and puts him on the counter. 

As he’s drinking one drink and the green man is drinking the other, an Englishman down the bar who has had too many drinks says, “Hey, what’s that little green thing down there?”
The green man runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a
raspberry, “SPLBLBLBLT!,” right in the face and runs back to
the Irishman.
The Englishman mops himself off and says to the Irishman,

“Hey, what is that thing, anyway?”
The Irishman replies, “Have some respect. He’s a leprechaun.”

“Oh, all right.” the Englishman says sullenly. They all go
back to drinking beer.
An hour or so later, the Englishman is plastered.
“Boy, that leprechaun sure is an ugly little bastard!” he says.

The leprechaun runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a
raspberry again, “SPLBLBLBLBT!”
This time the Englishman is really mad!

“Tell that leprechaun that if he does that again, I’ll Chop his
willie right off, I will!” he shouts.
“You can’t do that,” says the Irishman. “Leprechauns don’t
have willies.”

“How do they pee, then?” asks the Englishman.
“They don’t,” says the Irishman. “They go SPLBLBLBLBT.”

[Jerry 976]

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.

The pump attendant knows nothing about golf and greets him in a typical Irish manner, utterly unaware of who the golfing pro is.

Top of the mornin’ to yer, Sir,” says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick “hello” and bends forward to pick up the nozzle.

As he does so, two tees fall from his shirt pocket onto the ground. “What are dose? asks the attendant.

“They’re called tees,” replies Tiger. “Well, what on the god’s earth are dey for?” inquires the Irishman.

“They’re for resting my balls on when I’m driving”, says Tiger. “Fookin Jaysus”, says the Irishman, “BMW thinks of everything

[Jerry 976]

 

Fuck Anyone Who’s Attacking Fauci

[steve from amherst]

[steve from amherst]

[Guest]

[Jerry 976]