SSFB Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 Quote WASHINGTON—Following months of bruising criticism from Democrats and President Trump alike, an inconsolable Jeff Sessions was reportedly trying to commit suicide Thursday by smoking a joint. “I swore I’d never take the coward’s way out, but what choice do I have?” said a teary-eyed Sessions, carefully laying a sealed envelope containing his farewell note on a tool bench in his garage as he raised a lighter to the marijuana cigarette with trembling hands. “This is it. I’ve taken four puffs to make sure there’s no chance of survival. It should only be a matter of minutes now. Oh, what a wretched, ignominious ending. Goodbye, cruel world, I’m sorry I’ve failed you so.” At press time, Sessions reportedly realized he had died after being overcome by a euphoric, floating feeling. https://politics.theonion.com/inconsolable-jeff-sessions-tries-to-commit-suicide-by-s-1826462420?fbclid=IwAR3bFBfZJ_gH5b_6rGcPmUfg8FX90ztd2hNjO64_RlPuoWio2OzB-ENxMWg 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Platinum Contributing Member steve from amherst Posted November 7, 2018 Platinum Contributing Member Share Posted November 7, 2018 that's awesome!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mileage Psycho Posted November 8, 2018 Share Posted November 8, 2018 4 hours ago, SSFB said: https://politics.theonion.com/inconsolable-jeff-sessions-tries-to-commit-suicide-by-s-1826462420?fbclid=IwAR3bFBfZJ_gH5b_6rGcPmUfg8FX90ztd2hNjO64_RlPuoWio2OzB-ENxMWg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zambroski Posted November 8, 2018 Share Posted November 8, 2018 Somebody show him how to suck a barrel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anler Posted November 8, 2018 Share Posted November 8, 2018 Good one Jowell! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zambroski Posted November 8, 2018 Share Posted November 8, 2018 8 minutes ago, Anler said: Good one Jowell! Swallow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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