muslims

[ManOnManOral]

Q: How do you tell a Sunni from a Shiite? A: The Sunnis are the ones with the Shiite blown out of them. Q: Do you know what the secret of an islamic marriage is? A: The man get's to see a striptease every night. Q: How does every Islamic joke start? A: By looking over your shoulder. Q: What's the difference between a Muslim and a vampire? A: At some point the vampire will stop being bloodthirsty. Q: What's the difference between Mike Tyson and Osama Bin Laden? A: Mike Tyson can take a shot to the head. Q: How does a Muslim close the door? A: Islams it. Q: Did you hear about the Catholic Iraqi? A: He was a Shite Muslim. Q: Did you hear about the winner of the Middle Eastern beauty contest? A: Me neither. Q: How do you play Taliban bingo? A: B-52...F-16...B-1... Q: What do you call a drunken Muslim? A: Mohammered. Q: What do you call an evil Muslim? A: Mu Ha Ha Ha Med. Q: How did you get out of Iraq? A: Iran Q: What do you call a Muslim on a toilet? A: Islamic Relief. Q: What is the most popular kids show in the Middle East? A: Dora the Exploder! Q: What did the Muslim train conductor say? A: Allah board. Q: A muslim, a socialist, and a communist walk into a bar. A: The bartender says hello Mr. President. Q: Why are they clueless in Saudi Arabia? A: Cause they live under Iraq. Q: "What do you call a Muslim shrink? A: A terrorpist." Q: What is Al Qaida now learning after Osama Bin Laden's death? A: Don't put your contact info on the Playstation Network! Q: Why doesn't Gaddafi go out drinking? A: Why should he when he can get bombed at home? Q: What do you call a Muslim who loves to shop? A: Abaya. Q: Why does Iraq smell so bad? A: Because they have alot of gas. Q: What do you call a Muslim stripper? A: youseen memuff Q: What do Muslim men do during foreplay? A: Tickle the goat under the chin. Q: How do you get an Arabian prince to fall in love with you? A: With a raspberry beret. Q: What do you call a Muslim taking a bath? A: Ali Lujah! Q: What did Danielle Bregoli say about the Syrian civil war? A: Cash Me Assad How Bou Dat. Q: What do you call a Muslim woman with an opinion? A: Anything you want she's already been stoned to death. Q: What do you call a Muslim alcoholic? A: Allah Vabeer Q: What do you call a terrorist attack in the Middle East? A: a Selfie! Q: What does a Fat Muslim radical yell? A: Allahu Snack Bar. Q: Where do Afgans keep there CD's? A: In airaq (a rack). Q: Why did the radical Muslim go to the airport and blow himself up? A: He wanted to go everywhere. Q: What do you say to a Pakistani at Christmas? A: A quart of milk, a loaf of bread and a pack of Marlboros please. Q: Did you hear about the Muslim party? A: It was a blast. Q. What can the Palestinians do to raise the average IQ in the West Bank? A. Allow Jews to come in. Q: What do you call a bad Muslim eye doctor? A: Asif Eyecare Q: What do you call a bad Lebanese oncologist? A: Big Fata Liar. Q: What do bowlers, Thanksgiving guests, and Syrian refugees all have in common? A: They all want Turkey. Q: What's a Muslim's favourite coffee? A: A small skinny flat white. Q: What should Iraq get for its air defense system? A: A refund. Q: What did the suicide bombers mom say? A: "My Allah! They blow up so fast..." Q: What do you call a muslim Elvis impersonator? A: Amal Shookup Q: What do you call a half Irish half Muslim husband? A: O'Pressive. Q: Why do cows like the Middle East? A: Because everyone is Moooslim. Q: Why don't they teach Driver's Ed and sex education on the same day in the Middle East? A: They don't want to wear out the camel. Q: Why aren't there any Walmarts in Afghanistan? A: Because there is a target on every corner. Q: What did the warning label on the suicide bombers vest say? A: In case of Jews, pull cord tightly! Q: What do you call a building full of Taliban? A: Jail Q: How can you tell when you're playing against a radicalized Muslim Quarterback? A: When he goes under center to call signals and yells out "Kill Kill Kill...B-52 B-52...Ji-hut!" Q: What's the difference between a microwave and a Islamic extremist? A: A microwave doesn't blow up every time the timer goes off. Q: What do you call a Muslim looking for a toilet? A: Mustapha Shiite Q: What do you call an unemployed Muslim? A: Bin Laidoff. Q: What is the difference between a Protestant woman and a Muslim woman? A: Protestant woman get stoned before they commit adultery. Q: What do you call a hot Muslim girl? A: G-hottie! Q: What do you get when you cross American culture & Islam? A: Hijabsters. Q: Why do Muslim extremists pray with their asses up in the air? A: They want to make it easier for Western troops to kick! Q: What do you get if you cross Islam and Capitalism? A: No more jokes about the profit. I went to a Muslim birthday party last night. Damn if that wasn't the fastest game of Hot Potato I've ever seen! The amount of joking about Islam should be like the amount of salt in one's food. Ramadan, putting the slim, back into Muslim. My friend once went to a strip club in Abu Dhabi and got thrown out after saying: "Show us your face". Santa Claus is the only bearded man who can fly over the United States without a problem. Dear shaving commercials, stop shaving hairless legs. If you want impress us, please shave a Persian. I try not to tell religious jokes to Muslims any more: half of them are crazy, and the ones with Uzis simply don't get the joke. Knock Knock Who's There? Ahmed Ahmed who? Ahmed the payphone trying to call home. All of my change I spent on you. Knock knock! Whos There? Amal! Amal Who? I'm in love, Amal shook up Knock knock! Whos There? Allah! Allah who? Allah these stars will guide us home. Two Boys A Catholic boy and an Islamic boy were talking and the Catholic boy said, "My priest knows more than your Allah." The Islamic boy said, "Of course he does, you tell him everything." I'm Gonna Jump In Mumbai, a man is going to jump off the building. Up rushes good Hindu cop to talk him down. Cop yells up to the man "Don't jump! Think of your father" Man replies "Haven't got a father; I'm going to jump." The cop goes through a list of relatives, mother, brothers, sister, etc. Each time man says "haven't got one; going to jump." Desperate the cop yells up "Don't jump! Think of Lord Krishna" Man replies "Who is that?" Cop yells "Jump, Muslim! You're blocking traffic!" Mullah A friend asked the mulla how old are you? Forty replied the mullah. The friend said but you said the samething two years ago! Yes replied the mullah, I always stand by what I have said.

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/religiousjokes/islamicjokes.html

[NaturallyAspirated]

Inappropriate.

Neal