Field Journal - 9th of July, 2020

[SSFB]

My Dearest Helen, 

It has been some time since our last correspondence. Your last letter arrived nearly 4 weeks later than expected. I was informed that any transfer of words must be approved by the Anarchist Government of CHAZ. Unfortunately this takes a minimum of 3 business days and they only work Tuesdays from 1-2:30 PM. When I suggested they might consider extending their hours of operation I was informed that I was a mindless slave to the Capitalist system. Also, apparently the black ink pen used came from a known former Confederate stronghold in Virginia. I'm told that Black Lives Matter and Antifa are tearing down the ink factory as I write to you. 

I am doing well despite the declining moral at the camp. There seems to be increasingly dividing factions at the camp with the Presidential election nearing. Ethan 'Che' Smith insists that Biden will carry the Electoral College handily and shortly after, Trump and his cronies will be going to prison for their crimes against humanity. Alternatively, Bubba Ray Wilson insists that Trump will carry all states, including California and once his 2nd term is secured, Hillary and Obama are definitely going to prison. Private Michael O'Malley quickly pointed out that top level American officials going to prison would be completely unprecedented and seems incredibly unlikely if a person reads American history but was quickly met with unintelligible shrieks from the liberal camp and repeated chants of "Go home Libtard!" from the red hats. 

Shortly after that, a man in a camo mask, cutoff shirt and tighty whities with "Phoenix owns this ass!" printed on them came running out of the woods and tried to warn us of an impending race war. There even seemed to be a black dildo hanging out of his ass but it was difficult to tell in the dark. Almost everyone ignored him which caused him to exclaim "Meet me behind Sandy's Sub Shop!". Ethan insisted he would not meet there unless they had Gluten free Vegan food options. 

I fear our tour will continue past my expected 9 months. There have been many COVID-19 infections in the camp, reducing our manpower. Amazingly, protests seem to be immune to the spread of COVID, who knew that infectious diseases were aware of human politics. Red hats continue to have meetings as well, where they talk about the Democrat COVID hoax after signing waivers that give the organizers immunity from COVID infections. 

Please send my love to the children and let them know that I am doing everything I can to preserve their way of life. Every child should live in a world there they watch 6 hours of TV per day and then use TikTok for another 3 hours. 

Your Dear Husband,

James Anderson

[Highmark]

12 hours ago, SSFB said:

My Dearest Helen, 

It has been some time since our last correspondence. Your last letter arrived nearly 4 weeks later than expected. I was informed that any transfer of words must be approved by the Anarchist Government of CHAZ. Unfortunately this takes a minimum of 3 business days and they only work Tuesdays from 1-2:30 PM. When I suggested they might consider extending their hours of operation I was informed that I was a mindless slave to the Capitalist system. Also, apparently the black ink pen used came from a known former Confederate stronghold in Virginia. I'm told that Black Lives Matter and Antifa are tearing down the ink factory as I write to you. 

I am doing well despite the declining moral at the camp. There seems to be increasingly dividing factions at the camp with the Presidential election nearing. Ethan 'Che' Smith insists that Biden will carry the Electoral College handily and shortly after, Trump and his cronies will be going to prison for their crimes against humanity. Alternatively, Bubba Ray Wilson insists that Trump will carry all states, including California and once his 2nd term is secured, Hillary and Obama are definitely going to prison. Private Michael O'Malley quickly pointed out that top level American officials going to prison would be completely unprecedented and seems incredibly unlikely if a person reads American history but was quickly met with unintelligible shrieks from the liberal camp and repeated chants of "Go home Libtard!" from the red hats. 

Shortly after that, a man in a camo mask, cutoff shirt and tighty whities with "Phoenix owns this ass!" printed on them came running out of the woods and tried to warn us of an impending race war. There even seemed to be a black dildo hanging out of his ass but it was difficult to tell in the dark. Almost everyone ignored him which caused him to exclaim "Meet me behind Sandy's Sub Shop!". Ethan insisted he would not meet there unless they had Gluten free Vegan food options. 

I fear our tour will continue past my expected 9 months. There have been many COVID-19 infections in the camp, reducing our manpower. Amazingly, protests seem to be immune to the spread of COVID, who knew that infectious diseases were aware of human politics. Red hats continue to have meetings as well, where they talk about the Democrat COVID hoax after signing waivers that give the organizers immunity from COVID infections. 

Please send my love to the children and let them know that I am doing everything I can to preserve their way of life. Every child should live in a world there they watch 6 hours of TV per day and then use TikTok for another 3 hours. 

Your Dear Husband,

James Anderson