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Zambroski

We Are a Strange Breed

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For those of you who have somehow fallen into one of my long-winded, coffee induced morning rants before, you know what to expect here. I'm gonna start re-posting some stuff I've blistered out over the years on HCS.  Still fun and applicable.  Let's start talking sled shit.....we can hate each other for better reasons than just politics.  :lol:

Here we go!  

 

We are a strange breed.  In watching, reading and listening to the bizarre things we say throughout the season, I thought I’d retort a bit and give my own little analysis on each snowmobiling group. Feel free to correct me, bash me, explain your side, add a few “nuggets” or even delve into the subcultures of each. It’s all in good fun and humor and since we are close to having 8-9 months before the next ride again so, time is unfortunately on our side. Now, obviously, there are subcultures in each group that have their own funny little “issues”, but I’ll write out the first four major groups (as I see them).

Let’s start with my group, the “Trail Riders”. By far the largest percentage of riders out there and thus, the whiniest. Oh my god! We are like a bizarre version of Goldilocks and Three Bears mixed in with the Seven Dwarfs; three called “Grumpy”, two called “Bitchy” and two called “Whiny”. ……….. “They ride too fast!”, “They ride too slow!”, “Why won’t they let us pass!”, “Use your mirrors!”, “This trail is too bumpy!”, “They need to groom more!”, “Stay on your side of the trail!”, “Stop whooping up the trails!”, “Stop sweeping the corners!”, “There’s too many people on the trails!”, “Use hand signals!, “Don’t use hand signals!”, “Look behind you”, “Watch where you are going!”, “The trails are too icy”, “The trails are too slushy”…..etc…

Holy sheep shit! Talk about a whiny bunch of bitches! Somewhere there is a trail for us that is absolutely perfect….it must be in Heaven. It is amazing how much we all bitch, whine, and cry all season about “everybody else” on the trails while somehow insinuating that I /my group are “the perfect rider(s)”. As miserable as we all get, we all still can’t wait for the season to start to be miserable all-over again. Comedic tragedy at its finest.

Next, the “Flat-Lander Deep Powder Riders”. Now granted these sleds look the coolest but for a lot of us, we’re not 100% sure of the appeal. There really aren’t any mountains to speak of in “flat-land country” and most of the snow gathered deep enough to justify those long tracks is on private land. And it seems that for a lot of these riders, just as soon as they venture just off the beaten path into two and half feet of snow, they get stuck almost immediately. That somehow triggers the alarm to unsheathe the cameras and take pictures of it. As if to say; “My deep powder riding talent ran out as soon as I hit deep powder.” Then post them all over the web for validation. “High marking” and “side-hilling” those 30 foot road embankments that would make even the most novice of the mountain riders wonder…”why?”. But again, the coolest looking’ sleds (IMO).

Ok, now we’ll go to the “Lake Racers or Open Field Racers”. This is a group whose life begins at 100 mph. They usually buy the fastest 4-strokers out there, and then spend oodles upgrading them. All for a few seconds of high end speed. Also the ones constantly complaining (whining) after a day of red-lining their sleds about blowing belts, burning pistons, and otherwise failing parts. Speed comes at a price…and it is reliability as much as dollars. Didn’t the dealer explain that at your time of purchase? Also, a culture in this group that brag weirdly about beating that 600 class sled across the lake…really? Shouldn’t you guys be hanging out, high-fiving, bumping “helmets” and racing each other? If you’re the only "T15000" sled in your area…well, “when in Rome…….”

“Deep Powder Mountain Riders”; As I’ve done this only a couple of times with tour groups out in Colorado, I can only comment a bit. This is a group who somehow seem to see themselves and their brand of riding as the “purest” or “elitist”. A group that at 6500 feet above sea level is where the sleds get fired up. Their sleds look like backwards chainsaws and for some reason sound just like them. Not sure why every mountain sledder absolutely must have a loud can that can be heard four mountain ranges away. If they can find a way to fit a 300 inch track with five inch lugs on a sled they would. “High marking” at 30 mph through the pines only to end up in one, or a deep crevice. This again draws out the cameras. They also share the need as the flat-lander deep powder guys do to take pictures of bent A-arms and broken suspension parts….although not as frequently. Is it difficult to break sleds by running into hard, inanimate objects? And love to make fun of us flat-landers who go out to the 7000 foot mark and need a ten minute rest after starting our sled. Next time…warn us to bring fuckin’ oxygen masks! I can help you more getting my rental unstuck if…..I CAN BREATHE!

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Hehe! C"mon nobody on here fits those descriptions. They're above all that lmao

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5 minutes ago, racinfarmer said:

What color mohawk is on your closed face heated-shield HJC there Zambi?

:lol: 

Green, of course.  I've designed it so it flips up with my ultra big face shield with built in electric defrosters for when I need to change out the tampon in the breathing apparatus.  It's also good for intergalactic space travel (accessories not included).  :guzzle:

 

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40 minutes ago, smokin george said:

Hehe! C"mon nobody on here fits those descriptions. They're above all that lmao

No...for sure!  No way....not here on FS!  We're all the "perfect" ambassadors to our sport.  :junk:

3 minutes ago, 02sled said:

Great read and good for a smile. :D

:friends:

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47 minutes ago, Zambroski said:

:lol: 

Green, of course.  I've designed it so it flips up with my ultra big face shield with built in electric defrosters for when I need to change out the tampon in the breathing apparatus.  It's also good for intergalactic space travel (accessories not included).  :guzzle:

 

 

You better stick to riding that RR at 20mph on the NSST with your gang of trailing arm Polaris riders.  

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  Funny cause it's true.

Edited by ArcticCrusher

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No mention of backpacks and shovels with the “Flat-Lander Deep Powder Riders”  crew.:lol:

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6 minutes ago, ckf said:

No mention of backpacks and shovels with the “Flat-Lander Deep Powder Riders”  crew.:lol:

Ehhh...it's a work in progress.  Gotta add avalanche beacons too!  :lmao:

And we'll see a few of these out on the trails soon!  Safety....it's for everyone!

Image result for snowmobile avalanche airbag backpack

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No mention of those that don't need a seat or a windshield since they stand up ALL of the time with huge risers on the groomed trail

Edited by 02sled

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4 minutes ago, 02sled said:

No mention of those that don't need a seat or a windshield since they stand up ALL of the time with huge risers on the groomed trail

That's funny.  I started to break down each category into sub-categories but it got even longer.  Trail Rider Category included:  "Long trackers", "High Risers (standers)", "Ricky Racers", "Bobbers" and "Tourists".   :rockernana:

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2 hours ago, Zambroski said:

That's funny.  I started to break down each category into sub-categories but it got even longer.  Trail Rider Category included:  "Long trackers", "High Risers (standers)", "Ricky Racers", "Bobbers" and "Tourists".   :rockernana:

I try to avoid the weekend warriors (Ricky Racers) by riding midweek for the most part. 

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36 minutes ago, ckf said:

I try to avoid the weekend warriors (Ricky Racers) by riding midweek for the most part. 

Correct, plus between x-mas an new years day.  Let the look at me throttle jockeys hit the groomer or drag, an yes, I was that jerk also.  If you can spare some time and  dollars please join a club, or donate some dollars in your riding area for the winter trails.

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4 minutes ago, hwytohell said:

Correct, plus between x-mas an new years day.  Let the look at me throttle jockeys hit the groomer or drag, an yes, I was that jerk also.  If you can spare some time and  dollars please join a club, or donate some dollars in your riding area for the winter trails.

It's interesting that so many of these stand up, rip up the trail and go as fast as you can individuals say that sledding wouldn't be worthwhile otherwise and they would quit the sport before they change their habits. Then eventually they grow out of it as sensibility takes hold.  

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Just now, hwytohell said:

Correct, plus between x-mas an new years day.  Let the look at me throttle jockeys hit the groomer or drag, an yes, I was that jerk also.  If you can spare some time and  dollars please join a club, or donate some dollars in your riding area for the winter trails.

That reminds me of a story from back when I used to run the groomer in NH. A buddy and I were on our way out on a Saturday night to recover the trails. Standard procedure when meeting sleds is to stop and let them pass so your drag doesn't hit an object and get knocked over to their lane. We stopped to let a group by and recognized a few in the group. One of them decides to show off as he was going by and ran in to the back of the drag :lol:

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51 minutes ago, ckf said:

I try to avoid the weekend warriors (Ricky Racers) by riding midweek for the most part. 

I do the same but, to avoid all of the other ones in that list.   :D

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2 minutes ago, 02sled said:

It's interesting that so many of these stand up, rip up the trail and go as fast as you can individuals say that sledding wouldn't be worthwhile otherwise and they would quit the sport before they change their habits. Then eventually they grow out of it as sensibility takes hold.  

Ahhh....maturity. It's taking hold with me slowly, but I still like the adrenaline.  My body is telling me it's had about enough of my shit though.  :lol:

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All the Jackasses on 800's with their fancy gear doing 55MPH for miles on end. Then they flip me off when I pass them on my 500 two up. Them slow pokes love their 800's.

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16 minutes ago, 02sled said:

It's interesting that so many of these stand up, rip up the trail and go as fast as you can individuals say that sledding wouldn't be worthwhile otherwise and they would quit the sport before they change their habits. Then eventually they grow out of it as sensibility takes hold.  

I seem to think they either turn into mountain riding snobs who are too good to ever ride anywhere east of Montana or quit the sport all together and buy a fish house.

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2 minutes ago, Woodtick said:

All the Jackasses on 800's with their fancy gear doing 55MPH for miles on end. Then they flip me off when I pass them on my 500 two up. Them slow pokes love their 800's.

That was you?  Nigger!  :lol:

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Just now, racinfarmer said:

I seem to think they either turn into mountain riding snobs who are too good to ever ride anywhere east of Montana or quit the sport all together and buy a fish house.

:lol:

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25 minutes ago, hwytohell said:

Correct, plus between x-mas an new years day.  Let the look at me throttle jockeys hit the groomer or drag, an yes, I was that jerk also.  If you can spare some time and  dollars please join a club, or donate some dollars in your riding area for the winter trails.

Between Xmass and New Years Eve is dead in the western UP. The Shit Show starts New Years Eve up there. Been going up the day after Xmass for 10 years. It's almost like March crowds.

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1 minute ago, Zambroski said:

That was you?  Nigger!  :lol:

That is my middle brother to an almost T, but flipping someone off with require him to ride one 1 handed for 5 seconds.

Just now, Zambroski said:

:lol:

They are the ones you find sitting at the lakeside bars in their full sledding gear telling us how fast of a rider they were.

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Just now, racinfarmer said:

That is my middle brother to an almost T, but flipping someone off with require him to ride one 1 handed for 5 seconds.

They are the ones you find sitting at the lakeside bars in their full sledding gear telling us how fast of a rider they were.

Ahhh.....the "stool warmers" that was another sub category of silliness.   You know, the guys that go out all day on Saturday, put on 25 miles and spend all day between two watering holes drilling up "seat warming tabs".  Then...complain that sledding is getting too expensive.  O.o  

Fuck...the trail IS the destination for us.  If we stop anywhere, it's for a quick bite of sustenance and a refuel.  I might down one cold brew with a grease burger...but that's it.  Hell, if I'm gonna drive hammered, I'm gonna roll in my big fuckin truck!  :lol:

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