NaturallyAspirated Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 Early this morning, while comfortably propped up in bed, peruse of the annals of freedomsledder.com on my phone the wife leans over and says: I left a list last night of things that need taking care of. I pry my eyes away from the exceptionally engaging whit and reporte of the posts and meet her eyes. She has the cute sheepish smile and flutter of the eye lashes that exude that oh so famous come hither and fondle me look. Well ya buddy! No dice. I am given the bait and switcharoo. If you get the list done, I'll make it worth your while tonight she says, with the proper sultry and sappy voice. Checklist, not a problem! A list as long as Santa's nice list mustn't get in the way of the poontang! I raise the zombie like sex trophies from their beds, get them showered fed and bags packed off for school, hot damn onto that list now! Post office, no problem, Kendra even left the oversize slip left in the mailbox so that the, and FS political junkies will love this, the elderly man who cannot seem to separate Pops Mastel mail with Son Mastel mail can locate the item. He's a part time guy, the post office is open from 12:30 - 2:30 weekdays. Fine I can momentarily endure the post office reception area radio blaring EiB network Rush Limbaugh and the MAGA hat wearing senior citizen mail mixer getting the package. Ice cream - check, but we will leave that for another kick ass cooking episode... Banana bread. What sweet hell is this?? Really, the people who enjoy banana bread are at best one step above Charles Manson on the sanity level, and I happen to be married to one. Sweet fate, I have to bake a loaf of this morally questionable nourishment? Fine, I mean I like sex so... it must be done. At just the opportune moment, DING! message indication on the phone. KM: "You know there is a simple recipe on the bag of ripe bananas for the banana bread right hun?" NM: "What?!?! You are kidding me..." I get off the throne from the morning dookie, and decide I best wash my hands, in case I have to actually do this banana bread thing. I look at the bag of ripe bananas, $1.99! sticker obscures the list of ingredients on the banana nut muffin recipe. Well thank Christ for that! Things could always be worse I remind myself. Nuts and bananas, that's like Harvey Weinstein hanging out at a Jeffery Epstien party. Bag recipe: 8 Tbsp (1 stick) butter, room temp 3/4 c. sugar 2 eggs 1 c. ap flour 1 tsp baking soda 1/2 tsp salt 1 cup whole wheat flour 3 large ripe bananas 1 tsp vanilla 1/2 c. shelled walnuts, coarsely chopped (btw what recipe ever calls for walnuts with the shells?) Well, it's a start I guess. I look in the bag and there are eight of the largest bananas I have ever seen. All blackened up like a literal bag of BBCs... So eight, eight is the number in this case to the age old question of dicks in a bag. Sweet Christ again! My wife bought a bag of Ron Jeremys! Well this recipe will never hold up to that train of bananas. It's fucked! Modifications must be made. Lets start off by going with 1 c. butter room temp 1 c. Crisco room temp 1 1/2 c. sugar 1/2 c. brown sugar (see Moto, not all white folk are racist!) I like the molasses taste that the brown sugar adds. You can substitute 1:1 white to brown to your own liking. 4 c. flour 2 1/2 tsp baking soda 1 tsp salt 6 shlong bananas 2 tsp vanilla Damn the walnuts, DAMN THEM! I mixed all the dry ingredients together first, then added the wets. I used the paddle attachment on the Kitchen-Aid I got the wife for our anniversary. That worked out well it seems... (roll eyes) So I make a mess when I bake, it's for a good cause in the end! Also we need a little something to obscure the actual taste of the bananas. Oat crumble. That'll do it, and give the top a nice look too! Move over Rachael Ray, no need to womansplain a crumble topping to me, I got this shit tight! Crumble topping: 1 c. brown sugar 3/4 c. oats, old fashioned 3/4 c. flour 1 stick butter, cold Mix the drys together well first, I used oversize serving forks. Then chop up the butter into 1 Tbsp chunks and incorporate into the dry mix. Use of hands for mixing is A O.K. good thing I washed earlier... Mix until the crumble stays clumped together and you can squeeze it though your meathooks like... play-dough. Speaking of well endowed, looksee at that thumb! I let the banana bread batter Netflix and chill in the reefer for about 30 minutes while I made the crumble. This should make the loaf a little less dense, it doesn't help me at all though... Pour batter into your loaf pan. Take the turd shaped crumble you made earlier and break it apart over the top of the batter in the loaf pan. Get the oven up to 375 degrees and bake for 45-50 minutes. Stick in your favorite tool, if it comes out moist, you ain't done, she needs to be dry dingus! Do it right and even you might get some nookie, or at least some disgusting banana bread. Neal 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 8 hours ago, NaturallyAspirated said: Early this morning, while comfortably propped up in bed, peruse of the annals of freedomsledder.com on my phone the wife leans over and says: I left a list last night of things that need taking care of. I pry my eyes away from the exceptionally engaging whit and reporte of the posts and meet her eyes. She has the cute sheepish smile and flutter of the eye lashes that exude that oh so famous come hither and fondle me look. Well ya buddy! No dice. I am given the bait and switcharoo. If you get the list done, I'll make it worth your while tonight she says, with the proper sultry and sappy voice. Checklist, not a problem! A list as long as Santa's nice list mustn't get in the way of the poontang! I raise the zombie like sex trophies from their beds, get them showered fed and bags packed off for school, hot damn onto that list now! Post office, no problem, Kendra even left the oversize slip left in the mailbox so that the, and FS political junkies will love this, the elderly man who cannot seem to separate Pops Mastel mail with Son Mastel mail can locate the item. He's a part time guy, the post office is open from 12:30 - 2:30 weekdays. Fine I can momentarily endure the post office reception area radio blaring EiB network Rush Limbaugh and the MAGA hat wearing senior citizen mail mixer getting the package. Ice cream - check, but we will leave that for another kick ass cooking episode... Banana bread. What sweet hell is this?? Really, the people who enjoy banana bread are at best one step above Charles Manson on the sanity level, and I happen to be married to one. Sweet fate, I have to bake a loaf of this morally questionable nourishment? Fine, I mean I like sex so... it must be done. At just the opportune moment, DING! message indication on the phone. KM: "You know there is a simple recipe on the bag of ripe bananas for the banana bread right hun?" NM: "What?!?! You are kidding me..." I get off the throne from the morning dookie, and decide I best wash my hands, in case I have to actually do this banana bread thing. I look at the bag of ripe bananas, $1.99! sticker obscures the list of ingredients on the banana nut muffin recipe. Well thank Christ for that! Things could always be worse I remind myself. Nuts and bananas, that's like Harvey Weinstein hanging out at a Jeffery Epstien party. Bag recipe: 8 Tbsp (1 stick) butter, room temp 3/4 c. sugar 2 eggs 1 c. ap flour 1 tsp baking soda 1/2 tsp salt 1 cup whole wheat flour 3 large ripe bananas 1 tsp vanilla 1/2 c. shelled walnuts, coarsely chopped (btw what recipe ever calls for walnuts with the shells?) Well, it's a start I guess. I look in the bag and there are eight of the largest bananas I have ever seen. All blackened up like a literal bag of BBCs... So eight, eight is the number in this case to the age old question of dicks in a bag. Sweet Christ again! My wife bought a bag of Ron Jeremys! Well this recipe will never hold up to that train of bananas. It's fucked! Modifications must be made. Lets start off by going with 1 c. butter room temp 1 c. Crisco room temp 1 1/2 c. sugar 1/2 c. brown sugar (see Moto, not all white folk are racist!) I like the molasses taste that the brown sugar adds. You can substitute 1:1 white to brown to your own liking. 4 c. flour 2 1/2 tsp baking soda 1 tsp salt 6 shlong bananas 2 tsp vanilla Damn the walnuts, DAMN THEM! I mixed all the dry ingredients together first, then added the wets. I used the paddle attachment on the Kitchen-Aid I got the wife for our anniversary. That worked out well it seems... (roll eyes) So I make a mess when I bake, it's for a good cause in the end! Also we need a little something to obscure the actual taste of the bananas. Oat crumble. That'll do it, and give the top a nice look too! Move over Rachael Ray, no need to womansplain a crumble topping to me, I got this shit tight! Crumble topping: 1 c. brown sugar 3/4 c. oats, old fashioned 3/4 c. flour 1 stick butter, cold Mix the drys together well first, I used oversize serving forks. Then chop up the butter into 1 Tbsp chunks and incorporate into the dry mix. Use of hands for mixing is A O.K. good thing I washed earlier... Mix until the crumble stays clumped together and you can squeeze it though your meathooks like... play-dough. Speaking of well endowed, looksee at that thumb! I let the banana bread batter Netflix and chill in the reefer for about 30 minutes while I made the crumble. This should make the loaf a little less dense, it doesn't help me at all though... Pour batter into your loaf pan. Take the turd shaped crumble you made earlier and break it apart over the top of the batter in the loaf pan. Get the oven up to 375 degrees and bake for 45-50 minutes. Stick in your favorite tool, if it comes out moist, you ain't done, she needs to be dry dingus! Do it right and even you might get some nookie, or at least some disgusting banana bread. Neal That was a long way ta' go for shitty-lookin' banana bread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gold Member BOHICA Posted January 9, 2020 Gold Member Share Posted January 9, 2020 starbucks sells it by the slice FYI Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Platinum Contributing Member steve from amherst Posted January 9, 2020 Platinum Contributing Member Share Posted January 9, 2020 Most Banana bread gives you about 18 hrs to eat it. Then it turns into chicken food. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
f7ben Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 I enjoy creative writing very much. Especially in the thin veil of extemporaneous Tim the Toolmanesque type monologues. Well done Neal 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SSFB Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 Wow good poast Neil 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zambroski Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 Entertaining! Well done, Flicky!!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Platinum Contributing Member Highmark Posted January 9, 2020 Platinum Contributing Member Share Posted January 9, 2020 Fuck I could have read War and Peace as quick. Well done. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArcticCrusher Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 Watch out Jamie Oliver. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edmo Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 I make a mean banana walnut bread!!!!!1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NaturallyAspirated Posted January 9, 2020 Author Share Posted January 9, 2020 12 hours ago, steve from amherst said: Most Banana bread gives you about 18 hrs to eat it. Then it turns into chicken food. That's a generous amount of time for me, haha. Neal Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woodtick Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 3 hours ago, Edmo said: I make a mean banana walnut bread!!!!!1 Do you get sex after completion? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SVT MXZ XRS Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 12 hours ago, SSFB said: Wow good poast Neil This is what you have to look forward to when you finally get laid and marry the one who takes your virginity away from you. Just like what happened to Kneel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SSFB Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 1 hour ago, SVT MXZ XRS said: This is what you have to look forward to when you finally get laid and marry the one who takes your virginity away from you. Just like what happened to Kneel. Still feeling insecure eh Jai? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woodtick Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 Brisket tacos for lunch. Delicious. Bhen is a Phaggit! 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CheezusXR8 Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 “Jump some hoops, then make me some banana bread, and then I’ll fuck you” You should have worked out your issues with SSFB.... you wouldn’t be in this hostile relationship. My story would have went a little different. ....bitch wouldn’t give up the nookie, so I rubbed one out and carried on with my day. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SVT MXZ XRS Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 23 minutes ago, SSFB said: Still feeling insecure eh Jai? SBYL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angry ginger Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 54 minutes ago, Woodtick said: Brisket tacos for lunch. Delicious. Bhen is a Phaggit! those look good, makes me want to try the new mexican place we just got. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArcticCrusher Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 1 hour ago, Woodtick said: Brisket tacos for lunch. Delicious. Bhen is a Phaggit! Bridgeview. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NaturallyAspirated Posted January 9, 2020 Author Share Posted January 9, 2020 5 hours ago, CheezusXR8 said: “Jump some hoops, then make me some banana bread, and then I’ll fuck you” You should have worked out your issues with SSFB.... you wouldn’t be in this hostile relationship. My story would have went a little different. ....bitch wouldn’t give up the nookie, so I rubbed one out and carried on with my day. Today I did an entire load of tube socks in the laundry... Neal 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NaturallyAspirated Posted January 9, 2020 Author Share Posted January 9, 2020 5 hours ago, Woodtick said: Brisket tacos for lunch. Delicious. Bhen is a Phaggit! Not to bad! Neal Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edmo Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 7 hours ago, Woodtick said: Do you get sex after completion? No😕 Next time for sure😁 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woodtick Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 5 hours ago, ArcticCrusher said: Bridgeview. No,eyetalion neighbored in Chicago,Bridgeport. It’s turned into a melting pot neighborhood,Irish girls working the registers? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woodtick Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 6 hours ago, CheezusXR8 said: “Jump some hoops, then make me some banana bread, and then I’ll fuck you” You should have worked out your issues with SSFB.... you wouldn’t be in this hostile relationship. My story would have went a little different. ....bitch wouldn’t give up the nookie, so I rubbed one out and carried on with my day. I have a customer that said he rubs one out after she rejects him and she is trying to fall asleep,while he is in bed next to her? He is a crazy fuck,so I wouldn’t put it past him? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SVT MXZ XRS Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 51 minutes ago, Edmo said: No😕 Next time for sure😁 What the fuks a matter wit chew Huh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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